It’s that time of the year where everybody publishes their accounts of what happened last year. Victories and defeats, achievements and and the way there, wrapped up and nicely tinted by the holidays which after all gave some time for consideration and thought. So here goes mine:
2012 has been one hell of a ride. This time last year I was longing for some change, but little did I know it would come crashing down on me. 2012 has been a turbulent year of losses, falling-downs and getting-back-ups, soul-searching, reinvention and pushing forward.
I lost my Granddad in 2012 who died after a quick illness in his hospital bed one early morning, and to this day I am glad to have visited him one last time a week before he passed away. I also lost a dear friend and mentor to cancer this summer. A good-humoured friend who essentially talked me into moving to Berlin and encouraged me to take on more risks. He always told me to not become “middle-aged before my time” and he was right. Phil, you will be missed.
2012 also marks the biggest change in my professional life so far. After having been made redundant late February and some soul-searching afterwards (I haven’t not had a job since I turned 14. Being without one was unknown territory) and turned freelance consultant later this year. So far, it’s working out alright.
Getting Up
There’s a proverb, saying that “failure is not in falling down, failure is in not getting up again.” I’m extremely grateful for my friends who helped me to get up after being let go. I don’t think I would have dared to go freelance if it wasn’t for all the wonderful people in Berlin who encouraged me to do so. If anyone is looking for for reasons why Berlin is so hot and trending right now, it is those people: People who’ve been around the block, who’ve done the one odd thing or other, and can help with experience and encouragement. The worst thing that could’ve happened to me would’ve been to still be in Heidelberg, where the losing of ones job would’ve spelled disaster in the eyes of friends and family.
Taking on Challenges
And so I’m now running my own business. Which is challenging in its own right, as anyone who runs their own business can attest. You have to learn all the little things. How does setting it all up even work, how to invoice and tax correctly, how to get clients.
And you have to decide which jobs to work on. I like to take on jobs that venture into something new. I’m a consultant helping clients making sense of the Internet of Things, so that’s a natural. But nobody prepares you for the dread of doing things for the first time.
Everybody is doing things for the first time all the time, or so one would hope. But it leads to a sense of constant uneasiness. What if I’m not as good as I think I am. What if the client doesn’t like the work. What if I overstretch on this assignment. It takes a certain attitude to cope with this. In jargon you would probably call it a risk-profile. But the truth is: if you’re constantly pushing outwards of your comfort zone to pursue interesting projects and clients, well, you just won’t be comfortable a lot of time.
And that has been the biggest learning for me in 2012. Learning to live with the uneasiness, trusting that I’m oftentimes more capable than I think I am, taking on the interesting projects which I’m not 100% comfortable with.
So here comes 2013. And this one’s going to be a doozie.
PS: The media is hysterical about 2013 being the year of the Internet of Things. If you actually want to make it so, maybe we should talk.